Prayer 101: the depths of prayer

The only problem with defining something is that the definition often falls flat. The definition needs to be fleshed out. 

As we defined Prayer,  I found myself scratching my head wondering if there was something else. The two-fold definition of Prayer - communication with God for the intertwined purposes of bringing Glory to Him and encountering joy in our own lives - felt about 98% complete. But there was something more needed.

We talked about how prayer goes from being rote or liturgical (nothing inherently wrong with those prayers) to an actual conversation with God.  The conversation continues to grow and strengthen as we gradually align our desires, wishes, and lives with God's actual Plan. The closer we draw to God's Plan and communion with Him, He receives the Glory and we receive joy for being a part of the Plan.

But I was still looking for a bit more to not only further define prayer but to plumb Prayer's depths. When presented with a problem or issue, I can deal with the surface issues, which in truth are symptoms, or I can wrestle the problem to its root. We have to look deeper. When I deal with the root causes, the symptoms are automatically (usually) dealt with. 

So how do we get from rote prayer to joy?

For the past almost 20 years, I've been participating in a small group at my church, and as I was doing my reading homework, I came across the "answer" to that question. We are going through Peter Scazerro's book "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" and in chapter 3, he writes of "Contemplative  Spirituality" and the progression toward spiritual and emotional maturity in Christ. Although Pastor Scazerro is dealing with the believer's struggle with our God-given emotions and maturity, the four stages that he describes are completely applicable to our growth to a  vibrant prayer life. They help to form more of the framework that we need to develop our prayer life. I don't necessarily agree with every word he has written or idea he has posed, but there are some points of application to be drawn out.

The four stages of this progression (evolution if you wish) or the depths (or heights) of Prayer are:

• Talking at God
• Talking to God
• Listening to God
• Being with God

Talking at God. When we were lost; when we were unbelievers; sometimes even as completely immature believers, we talk at God. I don't know about you, but I don't like being talked "at". It's almost worse than being talked down to. When you're being talked "at",  it's like you're in the room, but your presence is only tacitly (at best) acknowledged.

Talking  at God would be a "now I lay me down to sleep" kind of prayer. Scazerro  uses the rote dinner blessing of "Thank you Lord for the bounty we are about to receive" style. God is acknowledged but it's almost (don't get on my case), almost insincere. We pray out of compunction or necessity or tradition or habit. It is praying for the sake of praying. 

Talking  at God typically does not engage much of the heart or the mind or the  soul or the spirit. The unbeliever definitely would not be able to pray  in the Spirit. The Holy Spirit is not in him or her. 

To  say that these are surface prayers lacking depth may be true, but in their defense, they do have their place. Rote prayers are I would say almost necessary. Rote prayers can be excellent tools in learning or  teaching someone how to pray. We often teach young children these prayers to get them accustomed with the "form" and structure of praying. Those are good things, but we need to move on. To live and experience a  vibrant prayer life, we have to go deeper.

The next level is "Talking to God". Hopefully as we mature and progress in our Christian lives, in our  spiritual lives, as we are being sanctified and becoming more Christlike, those rote prayers develop into prayers that use our own words. In other words, we begin to articulate and speak to God using words that are coming from our own needs or desires.  

As  we progress in our prayer life, we have to go deeper. We begin to, as  Scazerro puts it, pray, "give me, give me, give me, O God" prayers. That's a little harsh, but I think you understand his point. It's like our children. As our children are learning to speak, they typically go from rote speech - mimicking or imitating mom and dad - to asking for stuff: a glass of water, go potty, cookie, outside, turn on TV, etc. When I originally wrote this, my grandson was approaching the age of two. His world centered around him and his needs. His favorite response was almost always "no". He's learning how to communicate with words and ideas. As he matures, his communications will become deeper and more complex. He will in time be able to paint word pictures, but now he's not able to. He doesn't have the vocabulary. Yet. 

This isn't bad, it's just part of the progression, it's part of the learning curve. We want to have our needs met first. And come to think about it, that's how Jesus usually operated. As we thumb through the pages of the Gospels we find Jesus almost always meeting the physical needs of people first. He fed people. He healed people. God wants to meet our needs. God purposefully reaches down to us to meet us wherever we are.  He's a condescending God. After all, that's what a loving Father does.

But even that kind of prayer has to progress. In time, praying for my job or my wife and family or my neighbor's need or a sick friend becomes - I  dare say it - almost boring. We ask to be "blessed". That's not bad, but sometimes, so what? We need something more. We go from childlike (good)  praying that God loves to hear to a leaky faucet going drip, drip, drip in the middle of the night. It gets taken care of because it's annoying.

I'm not saying that God doesn't want to hear us pray in this manner, but after a while, I think He's expecting more. Heck, we should be expecting more out of our prayer time.

Before we continue, I just want to mention that many of us get stuck here.  Speaking personally, I know I get stuck in this "talking to God" place because of two things: one, sin in my life. If I am angry or bitter with someone, my relationship with Him is stifled. I can't get deeper into my heavenly relationship when a human relationship is broken. Second, we don't know God well enough. We don't know God well enough because we haven't made time to be reading His Word. We must make time to read and study. His Word is life itself. His Word is spiritual food and drink for hungry and thirsty souls.

As we spend more time (both quality and quantity) in God's Word, reading and studying, our prayer life should be deepening. We should be maturing in our walk and in our faith. Scripture should be enhancing our "face time" with God. And the more we mature, as in any meaningful and loving relationship, we learn to quiet our tongues (I'm being nice) and begin to actually listen to the person that we're in love with (husbands take note).

We come to the next stage: Listening to God. Listening is hard; at least I find it so. It takes effort to listen to someone's words expressing their needs or desires or even frustrations; especially when those frustrations are about us.

I was married for almost 34 years before Barbara passed away and I'm ashamed to admit that I've too often put my wants, needs, and desires ahead of my family's; and even more so when it comes to my wife. This lack of listening has caused some strife. My lack of listening - not just hearing - has in many ways disrupted the relationship. I often heard what I wanted to hear and didn't give much credence to my wife's deepest needs. I've had to learn to stop whatever I'm doing (turn off the TV, close my book or laptop, even stop cleaning something, whatever it is that I'm doing), face her, and shut down my mouth. I needed to focus on her. I needed to shut off the tape machine that was running in my mind that wanted to finish her sentences. When I am not fully engaged in listening, I'm not loving my wife.

Something similar happens with our relationship with God. It's not that God has  "needs" per se, but because He desires a relationship with me (God bought me with the atoning blood of Jesus as He forgave my sins), He wants me to put everything aside for a time and just listen.

God speaks through His Word. As we read the Bible each day, the Holy Spirit speaks to us. I enjoy reading aloud. It helps me to grasp what I'm reading. I engage another one of my senses when I read my Bible aloud.

Aside from all of that, God wants me to be alone with Him. Just as my wife wants me to give her my undivided attention, so does God. I shut every possible distraction off (even Christian music). When I'm not distracted, I can better listen. When I can better listen, I can hear in the recesses of my heart, mind, and soul what He wants to teach me or tell me.

I don't know about you, but sometimes as I'm flapping my gums "praying", I  can hear that still, small voice saying something like, "Are you  finished now so I can talk?" We have to be able to just listen; and God usually speaks in a whisper, because whispers are generally more powerful than shouts!

Now that we are quiet and listening, we can be still. God wants us to be still before Him.

When we are STILL before God, we can just BE with Him. Psalm 46:10 is a familiar verse; it says, "Be still, and know that I am God." The verse goes on to tell us that He alone will be exalted among the nations. That's comforting to me. Here's the entire Psalm:

God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
   God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
   he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Come and see the works of the LORD,
   the desolations he has brought on the earth. 

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
   he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
   he burns the shields with fire. 

"Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth."

The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.

As you read the entire Psalm, it speaks of God's protection, strength, and provision. When we're with Him, as in the Psalm, we do not need to fear; about anything. Even though everything around us is in an uproar, it is God who is exalted (glorified). And it is God Who is our fortress. He is the one who protects us and guards us. Yes, He allows us the opportunity to whine about the situation, but when we are still, we can experience His divine protection and provision. All of these verses can be prayed back to God; it becomes a powerful part of our communion with God.

When we are fully with God, we become what He wants us to be. We are human beings. We are created in His image and in His likeness. God has endowed  His human creation with many of His attributes such as love, mercy, patience, and grace. He did that for a reason; to better commune with Him. You can't beat "Being with God". 

This is where I want to be. For when I am with God, everything is good. From those few great experiences, the times that I have chosen to "BE with God", those times are the richest and most fulfilling. It is at these points where life itself has become a prayer. When you have one of these times of prayer, you want more. The question then becomes, what are you willing to weed out of your life to live a life of prayer and communion with God? How can you allow God to transform your life into a living prayer?

It is my prayer that you are coming to a better understanding of the depth and the need for a vibrant prayer life. I'm on this journey too. As we are "Being with God", we have pursued Him. As we allow Him to take over our lives, God gets the Glory. His will is done in and through our lives. And as Jesus said, our joy is then complete.

My Father who loves me, thank You for taking me through this process.  Although we're only starting, it is so good to begin to understand that nothing beats being with you. Quiet our minds and hearts. Still our tongues. Open our ears. Help us to be still before you. Thank you for loving me just as I am. Amen.